so i am sufferring, of being apart from you, in heaven ..........

a fragrant eve or beautiful night ......
i wasnt having any idea be it very slight...

you were there in my mind...
i let you unfold my most of bind...

you were my world... in & out....
i always curled every ahhh in my mouth...

i never let you know that i can feel mine own pain too...
i even dont want now to some thing goes to you ....

there is a smile on your face i loved to see...
never minded if it required me to be bloodyyy...

when you wanted me.....i was there ...
but never expected when i needed you to be near ...

....i hated this word....EXPECTATION
because its has its disgusting creations

but i did not know if i thought you were mine..
its not right ....if i thought we will have gud time ..

I am so sorrry i hurted you ...
SIN i have done...still i luv you....

and i wont forgive maself ...why have i EXPECTED a smile on ur lips..
when i called you as it was earlier used to be, had given you kicks...

tonyt ..my heart ..is crying......
to say ....it is you ..i m lovng

whts wrong ...i have done ....
so i am sufferring, of being apart from you, in heaven ..........

Morning RAGA.....

4am,too early to get up him, but cell beeped and as he picked up, a frightening voice announced,' Result has been announced." His mind, floating some where in his la la land, gained conscious for yelling'"what, Fuck, Oh Ma God." Call disconnected. He too, with real world to get in from where he came.

Next morning, 8am, collecting himself some how (though its nearly impossible for him as usually). Yelling on pals,"have you checked yours"

prompt reply," you fuckin' ass, we are all along with ya, we are going together to college how can we?"

he smiled," oh we will get screwed up together"

This peck of unarranged, uncollected, out of wits guys(really?) approaching to their college. In some time they land up in their work stations.

All around atmosphere is mixed, tears or happiness, frustrated laughs, caring hugs, left alone guys and gals. Thanking or cursing god.

He afraid but not afraid, confident but not confident, composed but out of mind, key down his name and hit ENTER.

Marksheet is on screen, he is totally confused, is it mine? pals are silent. He smiled. His body not in his controlled.

Mean while a prof asked," whats up boy?"

Reply,"Nothing sir, lemme talk to you later on please"

His mind has shot in blank. On return journey, thinking of ways of committing suicide due to failure in seven out off eight subjects.Killing self with knife would be to paining, dropped. After many more ideas, when he reached his room, he had decided to go around and collecting sleeping pills because no chemist would be agree to give him many in lot (Being aware of result had been out in all town).

But he is now too tired to do any but sleep. ZzZzZzZzZ.......

6pm. He wakes up, get out of his bed, take a face wash & wondering how can he sleep in day time (he is not habitual with this). Anyway strgguling in his mind when he approaches nearest food joint and guys around are talking about result, still he is not able to recall his MORNING RAGA, then a pal remind him, Our class has doomed more or less.

He is smiling (on himself??)again, thinking of MORNING RAGA and then breaks in laughter hysterically yelling ..uffff I forgot to commit suicide......

I luv her .as if i am a vamp

i was dying every single moment

pealing of my skin wasn't visible to her ..

i was embracing the deepest dark

tear scoops had fiercest drought

but....

for my surprize i was content

that she has become a new debutant

to explore her life for new spans

Njoying her life's every moment

though...

i was missing her , if running out of breath

puss was spilling ,skin beneath

heart was struggling for every moment of life

nerves were getting deeps & crests

stil...

i hadnt wished to let it be float

her smile was what made me afloat

her voice was what worked as my breath

I luv her ..as i am a vamp

who is in luv with blood & death

I want to Cry ...

na jane kyun hai ye ashq in aankho mei..

na jane kyun rona chahta hai ye dil ...




shikwa nahi hai kisi se ise ....

na hi koi shkayat hai....

bas tanhayi mein bilkhna chahta hai....

chahta hai ki kaynat doob jaye usake aansou mein,,,

bas darta hai ki koi apana na doob jaye ..

phir aawaz aati hai kahi door ander se ...

poochhti hai ise jhakjhor ke....

tujhe koi paraya bi lagata hai.??

jawab nahi hai isake pass....koi..

bas ...ek hi bat kahta hai ....

ro bhi nahi pata hu mein ....

koi rula de mujhe ..

mujhe rona hai ...