so i am sufferring, of being apart from you, in heaven ..........

a fragrant eve or beautiful night ......
i wasnt having any idea be it very slight...

you were there in my mind...
i let you unfold my most of bind...

you were my world... in & out....
i always curled every ahhh in my mouth...

i never let you know that i can feel mine own pain too...
i even dont want now to some thing goes to you ....

there is a smile on your face i loved to see...
never minded if it required me to be bloodyyy...

when you wanted me.....i was there ...
but never expected when i needed you to be near ...

....i hated this word....EXPECTATION
because its has its disgusting creations

but i did not know if i thought you were mine..
its not right ....if i thought we will have gud time ..

I am so sorrry i hurted you ...
SIN i have done...still i luv you....

and i wont forgive maself ...why have i EXPECTED a smile on ur lips..
when i called you as it was earlier used to be, had given you kicks...

tonyt ..my heart ..is crying......
to say ....it is you ..i m lovng

whts wrong ...i have done ....
so i am sufferring, of being apart from you, in heaven ..........

Morning RAGA.....

4am,too early to get up him, but cell beeped and as he picked up, a frightening voice announced,' Result has been announced." His mind, floating some where in his la la land, gained conscious for yelling'"what, Fuck, Oh Ma God." Call disconnected. He too, with real world to get in from where he came.

Next morning, 8am, collecting himself some how (though its nearly impossible for him as usually). Yelling on pals,"have you checked yours"

prompt reply," you fuckin' ass, we are all along with ya, we are going together to college how can we?"

he smiled," oh we will get screwed up together"

This peck of unarranged, uncollected, out of wits guys(really?) approaching to their college. In some time they land up in their work stations.

All around atmosphere is mixed, tears or happiness, frustrated laughs, caring hugs, left alone guys and gals. Thanking or cursing god.

He afraid but not afraid, confident but not confident, composed but out of mind, key down his name and hit ENTER.

Marksheet is on screen, he is totally confused, is it mine? pals are silent. He smiled. His body not in his controlled.

Mean while a prof asked," whats up boy?"

Reply,"Nothing sir, lemme talk to you later on please"

His mind has shot in blank. On return journey, thinking of ways of committing suicide due to failure in seven out off eight subjects.Killing self with knife would be to paining, dropped. After many more ideas, when he reached his room, he had decided to go around and collecting sleeping pills because no chemist would be agree to give him many in lot (Being aware of result had been out in all town).

But he is now too tired to do any but sleep. ZzZzZzZzZ.......

6pm. He wakes up, get out of his bed, take a face wash & wondering how can he sleep in day time (he is not habitual with this). Anyway strgguling in his mind when he approaches nearest food joint and guys around are talking about result, still he is not able to recall his MORNING RAGA, then a pal remind him, Our class has doomed more or less.

He is smiling (on himself??)again, thinking of MORNING RAGA and then breaks in laughter hysterically yelling ..uffff I forgot to commit suicide......

I luv her .as if i am a vamp

i was dying every single moment

pealing of my skin wasn't visible to her ..

i was embracing the deepest dark

tear scoops had fiercest drought

but....

for my surprize i was content

that she has become a new debutant

to explore her life for new spans

Njoying her life's every moment

though...

i was missing her , if running out of breath

puss was spilling ,skin beneath

heart was struggling for every moment of life

nerves were getting deeps & crests

stil...

i hadnt wished to let it be float

her smile was what made me afloat

her voice was what worked as my breath

I luv her ..as i am a vamp

who is in luv with blood & death

I want to Cry ...

na jane kyun hai ye ashq in aankho mei..

na jane kyun rona chahta hai ye dil ...




shikwa nahi hai kisi se ise ....

na hi koi shkayat hai....

bas tanhayi mein bilkhna chahta hai....

chahta hai ki kaynat doob jaye usake aansou mein,,,

bas darta hai ki koi apana na doob jaye ..

phir aawaz aati hai kahi door ander se ...

poochhti hai ise jhakjhor ke....

tujhe koi paraya bi lagata hai.??

jawab nahi hai isake pass....koi..

bas ...ek hi bat kahta hai ....

ro bhi nahi pata hu mein ....

koi rula de mujhe ..

mujhe rona hai ...

what ever you do , thats it...

I am with you
its said by you

earlier i felt it
njoyed and gulped it

I hugged you
with out thinking of any due

whenever you felt for it
what ever else i never cared that's it

you were my bottom line
i was your reason to shine

times has gone
you don't need me now on

its not my call which which makes you smile
though i dont regret loving you at every mile

but it takes time
to accept you are not mine

its not my voice
what makes your world poise

I am sorry
i love with out any query

I didn't cared what you are
Even it wasn't matter who you are

how do you look
thats not in my book

Its not time which
can down love in my pitch

Every draft of my pore
love you by its core

because core of heart
wont be tired of hurt

you cant stop it..
what ever you do , thats it...

What was it ....

He was getting late ....for tuition ..at 11am..maths ...but he was confident he will make it in time. He was good cyclist after all....it was a result of cycling of many year .after all...............he picked his cycle and paddled it towards adarsh nagar ..for maths tuition....some thoughts were fueling him ..inside .........Class 11.......Section Science Maths....School was Biggest school of that small town ....having strength more then 4000+ student...they called is semi college ....because they were there till they were willing to be there ...but he was a sincere student so he has not bunked semi college that frequently ....though he enjoyed leg pulling of lecturers in his classes ..and teachers some times feared of going in class ...some times not always ...after all teachers were teachers.


He made in time to tuition ...and his teacher with thick glass ...having bowled eyes behind them those were ready to get of the cup meant for them in face of that man.....and he always made it issue of fun .....always ...not only him but whole school ...4000+ students ....after tuition he went to school but ...mind was stuck in ...clock ...he didn't know what was in bag of future .....all the lectures he tried ...to escape from teachers those were wondering ...what happened to this guy ...he is not in class ...they knew by their experience after ..they had seen a life time ....but they were not interrupting him much because it might have made him rebel ....they were already know his instinct ....so its better to leave alone for a day.
Time was too slow to pass that day ........even he didn't know ..what was happening ....though he waited ...his friend were too ...trying to involve him but not getting him ..in .....they did not know what was there ..going in his mind ....he never told any one about this ..........he never had any secret unfolded before anyone ....he did not want to be dependent on any one for his sake ....not at all...he was Emperor of his on Empire and did not want to loose his sovereignty....well...so no one knew why he follow buses ..Actual reason ....he was early waiting for 5.30pm.
As he has done nearly daily....basis ,,,,when he came to know that some one goes by that WHITE SCHOOL BUS of nearby the biggest gals school of the same town.....and ....then onwards every day he followed that bus ..without making it point that may be she was in bus ..may be she was on leave ....but he followed that bus ..and made it a point to defeat that bus with his bicycle and succeed many time due to traffic which helped him but that day was different i guess.


5.30 Bell rung ..and so ..guitar in his heart ......he ran up towards parking ... for cycle and so his friend because all knew ..they are going chase that bus...why all has different reason ...given by him ....fabricated rather ...and they all were ready ....but 3 out of 5 were not in enthusiasm to do so .....and opt out for race ....he declared his mandate...he will chase irrespective of any thing else ....they were two now ...and then on national highway which converted into narrow road by student gathering on road.


BUS APPEARED ,,,,,and his friend looked his glowing face ... and ..searching eyes ...in windows of that bus ....bus came near ...and made its way ....driver accelerated and race began .....they were paddling with full throttle .....and keeping up with bus ....running on their cycles beside bus ...both boy one after another ....he was keeping him self nearer to widows to find some one ...and eyes were getting off the road intermittently.....friend was riding ahead of him .....next 5 min they didn't know.....what will happen... and for him ..it was life of death ..because it was continuously seventh days he wasn't able to have a glance of her.....bus got decelerated and he was at front wheels..his was looking in cabin of bus for her.


SUDDENLY he was on road ......7 feet ahead of bus ,,,,in front of bus which was coming on road he didn't get anything but ..bus got brakes ...he got a glance ...of her .....was smiling irrespective of danger of death hovering on him ....his race was fruitful....he had tears in his eyes .....she knew him and was friend of him in early classes......it was time which separated them ..they got admission in different schools but she did not know about his ...ecstasy to see her ...urge for a glance of her ......she did not ..but when she looked on him on road ....she was horrified so were the other gals in cabin ..bus was approaching on him to squeeze him for ...........death .......she shouted ......all shouted in bus .......his friend shouted ,,,,,,it was his front wheel which got stuck in axle of rare wheel of his friend's cycle and cycle got power break effect on nearly 40kmph speed and it has thrown him on the road .....to HIS MOMENT ....under the shadow of death ......to have a glance ..of her ...driver applied brake ....wheel of bus were fighting with road and encroaching to get stopped ...but speed wasn't too low...to stop that early ....bus was still approaching on him to crush him ..but .....got stopped just .inches before him....driver was shouting ....." SALE MERI GADI KE NEECHE AAKE MAREGA KYA" ....she was looking in his eyes those were looking her with smile ...she was surprised ..on his smile ...his friend ran towards him to lift him ...but he was not ready to be lifted.........driver cam down and lifted him ...his friend carried away him ...forcefully ....looking towards his bruises ......she was smiling with tears .....and bus has gone.
As soon as bus started he was on his feet ...to chase it again ........