and it chips me off...

days, night, weeks..... years

all passing by even without "bye dear"

it seems I am growing in something different

different then I thought of

different then what I wanted

not that I can control it

because its just an outcome

of things ....

those happened during all this while

chipping my beauty and smile

now its just a hag, I am 

who react rather retaliate

even if somebody ask "how are you mate"

and I cry there after for those moment

because I know that I dint want me to be that

and then it chips me off

a li'l more, just enough not to be visible...

and it chips me off...

and it chips me off...

and it chips me off...

Image Courtesy

हमें ही कुछ आदत सी हो चली है...

अल्फाज़ अक्सर कुछ कम पड़ जाते थे 

जब बयां हम करने की हसरत पाते थे 

होते थे इस क़दर कशमकश से रूबरू 

कि, अधर कुछ कह ही न पाते थे 

एक अरसा हो चला है इन लाम्हातों को 

हमारे दिल के डूबते उतरते ज़ज्बातों को 

कोई मिला जो कुछ समझ पता शायद 

ज़ख्म के अन्दर की वाहियात बातों को 

पर वक़्त न मिला उन्हें या न मिला मुकरर इल्म 

मरहम मिला बस नहीं था तो वो दिल 

जो करता नाज़ इस बेबसी पे हमारी 

और भर पाता जख्म  जो था रिस रहा 

यही ख्याल आता रहा ज़हन में हमारे 

और हर लम्हे को हम छोड़ते चले किनारे 

अनजान थे की छोड़ गर हमने ही दिया हमें 

न थामेगा कोई इस ज़नाज़े को हमारे 

न कहेंगे हम की ज़िन्दगी रुस्वां हो चली है 

वोह वहीँ है ज़हां हर खिलती कलि है 

तिल तिल हर पल मरने की 

हमें ही कुछ आदत सी हो चली है...

Image Courtesy

Travel Partner

OK, I know its weird but I liked the idea and so I have been looking for someone who can be travel partner with me.

Hence this group on FB:

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/161233734000217

May be some one like the idea.

Ta - Ta

Its has become a kind of ritual to say, I walk for a short distance to reach my home from main road and there is this kid. I have seen him since his inception and grew fond of him, somehow I don't know.

I don't know how did it start but he see me walking to & fro home daily as he lives in huts there with his parents those are labors for construction sites. 

Every time he see me, he says "Ta - Ta" untill I answer back with "Ta - Ta" and it is intact for few years now,  Even if he is not happy or crying or whatever the course of action,would be paused for a while and he would say "Ta - Ta" with a cheerful smile and irrespective of whatever thoughts and moods I am in, this smile infacts me followed by "Ta - ta"

Its superb. 

55 Fiction: Hidden

"what are you trying to hide" 

"Nothing" he replied while fiddling with wallet 

"No, there is something, say na" playing with straw in her drink

"C'mon, there is nothing" 

She tugged on wallet and it fallen down scattering her pictures,

"I have nothing else to keep...."he replied with beaming smile

55 Fiction - Abuse

"No, no I am ok"
"Why do say it otherwise when you are not ok",
"I dont know"
"Say now, what happen",
"He abuses me, emotionally"
"Aint you doing same for ages with me by not getting rid of him......"

Random Post - 3

Morning isn't any different, usual sun with its blazing shine which is just celestial part of universe. They say Sun will die one day but its seems he is also waiting for something, to make it happen.


You might be wondering what happened to me or is this also some kind of sad story which writer says as fiction but actually it contains some part of writer's self. Then lets say its not that way at least. Lets not digress now.. 


We grow up ( do we??) and then try to sink in daily activities  but every one has their own share of secrets buried down there and keep putting up brave & smiling faces. No one try to solve it as they have already accepted it can't be solved in first place. Some where inside its eating up the meaning of one's being/ existence. It surfaces at times but before it gets any voice again silenced.


Years pass by and we start to introspect, not that we dint do that earlier but experiences/ mistakes has given new wisdom and philosophies hence new point of view for doing introspection and a feel creep in that it could have been better.


Few say its regret, other say its just a point of view but at the same time no one do something to eliminate this feel which actually started all this. Everyone accepts themselves as looser because its convenient. Everyone is in comfort zone by now, licking their their wounds.... but not ready to put any medicine because that need to take risk. 


Risk of getting out of comfort zone, risk of feeling insecure as if they are feeling secure as of now. Argument comes, I know this insecurity, I am familiar with it. I have set of people who foster this situation and I can't let them feel betrayed as they were very people who help me to reach this condition along with myself. 


I am ready to licking my wounds because I am not sure medicine will do any good, even if it does, how will I justify my act to that person who gave me that very wound to pass my time so far. I am obliged to that person.


and it continue... 

Random Lines - 2

Inception to Death
I held my breath
fearing exhale of her fragrance
because it was all I had
to last, till my death

Its complicated

Well,

Now a days I have been starting my statement with "well" not that it should not be or should be. Just its becoming more & more like habit. Alas! Habit, we are slaves of these habits.


We don't really realise when when it happens.

Slavery to habits...
Moving time...
wretched soul which is begging for solace
.
.
.
.
.
everyone covering their impotence in cloak of "its complicated"

.
.

much more....

Random Post -2

...........................
She 2 searching for something frantically while she is quiet frustrated...
She1: what are looking for
She2: perhaps my father who abandoned me in childhood or that classmate who pushed me out the moving car because I dint have sex with him or that boy friend who left me because he wanted to marry girl of his parents choice.
She 1: what is your mistake in this?
She 2: All mistakes are mine. To love wrong person at wrong time, biggest mistake
..........................

Now is something like exist? To love wrong person at wrong time,??

Random Lines

Why do people become too chocked to write anything at times.... these are the vary emotion from actual words come out, I heard.

Confused me?? Well, whats wrong with that? lollzzz

खुश्क

कतार में न थे हम कभी

हैं तो बस इंतज़ार में 

कुछ ऐसे लफ़्ज़ों के जो कहीं दफ़न से है

ज़हन में किसी के इस क़दर

की निकलना उनका हो गया मुश्किल 

और सासें हो गयी हमारी खुश्क , जुबान के संग

he : I can understand if feelings are not mutual between us

she : why do you say so?

he : you never said what you felt.

she : how does help you or situation?

he ( amused with knack of not answering straight forward as it was his forte always, well almost) : It helps me to know, if you could just say without cross questioning. 

she said something...

and never answer the question. 

खुश्की लगता है ताउम्र न जाएगी 

अपने साथ हमें भी ले जाएगी

हम भी कुछ बेजार से हो चले है मिठास से

इस क़दर की , नीम का अर्क घुलवा दिया है शहद में 

तन्हा

सोचते थे हम है तन्हा
हर पल हर लम्हा

पर चुगली कर दी हवाओं ने
लम्हों को तन्हाई की..

Random Post

गर हमें न होता इल्म 

तेरी तन्हाई का 

धडकनों में ज़ज्ब तेरी 

हर पल की खुदाई का

देते दिलासा दिल को अपने

खुश है तु तेरे जहा में

पहर जो वक़्त का न कर देता

चश्मे दीद वाकया जिस्म की बेवफाई का 

अल्फाज़

कुछ अल्फाज़ कहने थे हमें 
पर मालूम हुआ  वो कम थे 

चंद लम्हात मुक्कमल होते शायद 
उसमें भी कुछ जतन थे 

आपको मुबारक हो हर पल और बात 
हम भी सोचेंगे बस यही है जो,
मय्यसर है खाक ए गम में 

गिनते रहिएगा हर मुलाकात 
तब शायद लगे ज़िन्दगी में कुछ कम है ..

P.S.: Originally Posted here as comment.

Obviousness of Obviousity

I walked the lane without shoes that day. They was making it shine with boiling coal tar, still I walked without shoes, because the heat I wanted to feel was there. The philosopher in me felt solace though feet burnt. 

Idea was to distract from what was going on inside. Inside somewhere undefinable, unthinkable, unapproachable. Many, including my self tried to reach there and make it alright, but not to any success. They say you grow better or bitter after any crisis. I guess it both for me, bitter & better. 

That day after walking, I stopped feeling anything down there, like a dead and it was good for me I guess in this cynical world where every next person who says s/he care for you actually hold potential to hurt you most & practice is more often then not, because of the fact they are human. 

A simple idea of live & let live human being could not understand so far in history of more then 4000 years ( 10000 as per few ideologies). Living up to someone expectations has been only driving factor this creature on one form or other and that is what prepare foundation for one's most of pains. 

I keep walking now to see if someone is there not wanting live upto these expectations and not living it that way too.

Living as one want to. Something Rarest of the Rare. (Added along with P. P. S.)

P.S. : Last line has been edited from "If someone is there not living upto these expectations."

P.P.S.: Again edition in same line from "if someone is there not wanting live upto these expectations"

untitled

कुछ अल्फाज़ से दफ़न है
या है ये मजार उन लम्हों की
जहाँ है उनकी खुशबुएँ ज़ब्त
हर दरख्त के साये में

रौशनी जो है छन के आती
पत्तों से लुक छिप कर उन पत्थरों पे
जैसे हो कोई जज्बा लिए
उन्हें आगोश में लेने का